hitting the national and genetic lottery while closing the door behind me

“No­body thinks il­le­gal im­mi­gra­tion is ap­pro­pri­ate, and I hap­pen to think we need com­pre­hen­sive im­mi­gra­tion re­form, but I don’t think it’s ap­pro­pri­ate for peo­ple to be com­ing across the bor­der il­le­gal­ly, so we’ve got to work now on com­pre­hen­sive im­mi­gra­tion reform.”
—Bernie Sanders
 

This fuck­ing guy de­serves to be left in the dust­bin of 2016. And peo­ple still eat his shit up be­cause they’ve learned nothing. 

BOTH times af­ter Trump’s win, Bernie couldn’t get out there and blame the de­moc­rats’ aban­don­ment of the “work­ing class” fast enough. Which is a dog whis­tle for “you didn’t fo­cus enough on white, blue-col­lar Americans.”

You know it, I know it. 

Any­one who is hon­est with them­selves knows it.

I fuck­ing de­spise the de­moc­rats at this point, but ap­peal­ing to white blue-col­lar Amer­i­cans is dead-ass a huge part of why we are here right now. 

There’s noth­ing that de­mo­graph­ic wants more than to see every­one else fail and suf­fer, even at the cost of their own success.

It re­al­ly fuck­ing sucks. Bernie was also asked in an in­ter­view if there was any­thing Trump had done right. No­body worth their salt should even be will­ing to ac­knowl­edge let alone an­swer that question. 

It’s like be­ing asked if Hitler turned out any good paintings.

Like, if I were a politi­cian and I were asked that I would burn that fuck­ing jour­nal­ist to the ground so god­damn hard.

And bruh.

At this point I don’t give a sin­gle shit about “il­le­gal im­mi­gra­tion,” es­pe­cial­ly when com­pared to lit­er­al­ly every­thing else go­ing on.

Holy fuck. Here we are in the midst of an un­mit­i­gat­ed dump­ster fire and politi­cians on all sides still want to ap­peal to hys­te­ria and xenophobia. 

“Il­le­gal im­mi­gra­tion” is the num­ber one go-to for im­me­di­ate­ly dis­tract­ing peo­ple away from all the real problems. 

Oh, your mother’s so­cial se­cu­ri­ty ben­e­fits are fucked up and she’s not re­ceiv­ing her checks and your fa­ther is on an eight month wait­ing list for a fuck­ing wheel­chair from the VA and your trans­gen­der daughter’s GA care just stopped be­ing cov­ered and you can’t af­ford your son’s col­lege tu­ition and your wife lost her fed­er­al job be­cause she’s a woman there­fore she was con­sid­ered a DEI hire and gro­ceries are in­sane­ly ex­pen­sive and the in­fra­struc­ture in your town is crum­bling and the rent on your two bed­room apart­ment is as­tro­nom­i­cal? Gosh all that sounds pret­ty bad but have we men­tioned IL­LE­GAL IM­MI­GRA­TION in the last five minutes?!

Look out! Psy­chot­ic brown peo­ple armed to the teeth with their but­t­holes packed full of il­le­gal drugs are in­vad­ing your Amer­i­cana towns to steal your jobs, rape your daugh­ters, sneak into their re­strooms, eat your cats, and poi­son your streets! 

Sure, your whole life is shit­ty but here comes the il­le­gal im­mi­grants to make it even shit­ti­er! They and only they must be stopped!

Like, we stole peo­ple from an­oth­er con­ti­nent to help us build up the in­fra­struc­ture nec­es­sary to kill every­one who was al­ready on this con­ti­nent and then we have the au­dac­i­ty to tell peo­ple they have to come here “legal­ly” which is just a dog whis­tle for “if you’re brown and poor we don’t want you.”

Aren’t we great?

Most peo­ple who cross the bor­der as an un­doc­u­ment­ed im­mi­grant and get a job here are just try­ing to get by and they are work­ing some of the shit­ti­est, most thank­less, low pay­ing jobs on the planet. 

Hav­ing been an au­di­tor for al­most 12 years I know for a fact that they are not tax­ing the sys­tem near­ly as much as these knuck­le drag­ging MAGA ass­holes yell and scream about.

This fuck­ing coun­try is so ridicu­lous­ly racist and stu­pid, goddamn.

+
The news yes­ter­day is very fun and I am ac­tu­al­ly en­joy­ing it. Whee.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2025 Emi­ly Duchaine. Hed via Jim.

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