reasons i have not stopped drinking this week

1.
My neigh­bor friend and my­self are chat­ting by our com­mu­ni­ty pool (lo­cat­ed right across from my house), while our girls swim around in the pool. All of a sud­den my daugh­ter jumps out.

E:   Mom­my, I need to go pot­ty! (look­ing to­wards the house)

Neigh­bor:   Hon­ey, there is a re­stroom right here (point­ing in the di­rec­tion of the pool­side re­strooms)

E:   Mom­my, I think I want to go pot­ty at home

Me:   Sure!

Neigh­bor:   You are so lucky. It’s like hav­ing your pri­vate pool with­out the main­te­nance.

Me:   Sud­den­ly we hear some­one scream­ing.

Neigh­bor:   Is that E call­ing for you?

Me:   I think so.

I rush out think­ing it is some kind of emer­gency. Or else why would she call for me know­ing I am by the pool? Note: at least part of our neigh­bor­hood heard her yelling for me. It had to be an emer­gency, right?

I en­ter the house and rush up the stairs to her bath­room where her voice orig­i­nates.

Me:   Are you okay? What hap­pened?

E:   My poop looks dif­fer­ent than it nor­mal­ly does.

Me:   RE­AL­LY???
 

2.
E is do­ing her math work­sheet – mul­ti­pli­ca­tion by 7. All her an­swers are wrong.

Me:   How did you come up with these an­swers?

E:   Well, I start­ed with 7×6=49 and just went with that for the rest
 

3.
Be­fore I hop into the show­er in the morn­ing, I re­mind E, who is sit­ting on the pot­ty, to brush and get dressed af­ter she’s done. I get in and out of the show­er and that girl is still sit­ting where I left her.

Me:   What is the mat­ter? Are you not done go­ing pot­ty?

E:   I think some­thing will even­tu­al­ly come out
 

4.
Next morn­ing, #3 re­peats it­self till I get into the show­er. Sud­den­ly I hear her call­ing for me in the same tone of des­per­a­tion and pitch as men­tioned in #1. Since this time around I think I am smarter, I ig­nore think­ing it will stop.

The yelling con­tin­ues for about 5 min­utes. I be­gin to think it might re­al­ly be an emer­gency. Also, be­cause I don’t want my neigh­bors to start com­plain­ing. I turn off the show­er, bare­ly wrap a tow­el around my­self and rush out to­wards her bath­room where she still sits on the pot­ty, dan­gling her feet.

Me:   What is the mat­ter?

E:   Were you run­ning on the tread­mill?

Me:   You were yelling for me for that? Why does it even mat­ter?

E:   Oh, I was just won­der­ing …
 

5.
We are lis­ten­ing to songs. “Abhi tow par­ty shu­ru hui hai” starts play­ing.

E:   Mom­my, mom­my, I have to tell you some­thing.

Me:   What?

E:   Last week­end when I was at this par­ty with dad­dy, the grownups were all singing this song.

Me:   That’s cool. Are you sure they were singing and not danc­ing?

E:   Yes, they were singing. I think one of the aun­ties said “abhi tow par­ty shu­ru hui hain” and they all start­ed singing the song.

Me:   Cool! Did you dance? (be­cause she AL­WAYS dances to this song)

E:   No.

Me:   Well, did you sing along with them or let them know you know the song?

E:   No, be­cause the women were ask­ing the men if they were dat­ing any­one.
 

And it’s only Wednes­day.

Wine? Yes, please!
 

—mala paul

Flom­mist Mala Paul is a pro­tégé of the god­dess of ten hands. Form to form­less all in a day’s job. A moth­er, de­sign­er, dancer, food­ie, fash­ion­ista, blog­ger, who is al­ways ready to be the change. Copy­right © 2016 Mala Paul.

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