our last album didn’t even get airplay

On Bill­board
On Casey Kasem
On My­Space

Mouse Guts My Cat Left Me

was nev­er giv­en a fair shot

 

I am still OCD about get­ting on STAGE and set­tled BE­FORE the lights go down

No one, and I mean no one, used to care about that
Brown M&Ms were more about safe­ty than ex­trav­a­gance
Ret­syn made The Dat­ing Game ob­so­lete
 

We only had one groupie
Which was re­al­ly sad

She was wear­ing some­thing fuzzy and white
or was she the punk rock­er with pink streaky hair

Noth­ing hap­pened

But I had a night­mare with­in a night­mare
She was pho­to­copy­ing her boobs in the ca­reer ad­vi­so­ry cen­ter af­ter hours
and I was try­ing to stay qui­et and hid­den but she spot­ted me and
cov­er blown
I ran out of there, woke up (or so I thought) and she was stand­ing over the foot of my bed

a la Kathy Bates in Mis­ery

only she was rub­bing my feet with flu­o­res­cent pink bologna and sigh­ing
 

Turned out it wasn’t a dream but a trend that caught on like our al­bum
She got a few roy­al­ties
The soar­ing price of lunch meat killed all of it
 

The band had a sim­ple premise

band is com­plete­ly anony­mous
plays all their own in­stru­ments
as well as found objects/toys/tools

mem­ber personalities/egos (yes, the “E” word) were in con­flict

and ways were went, sep­a­rate­ly

so

Up­date

Blue Jew On Ka­zoo (his ini­tials) moved to Austin

Does the oc­ca­sion­al mu­si­cal gig
but most­ly does sheetrock and ap­pren­tices with an elec­tri­cian

Our oth­er two reg­u­lar mem­bers de­clared their love for each oth­er
went on a road trip

And then noth­in’

Nice guys, too

 

There are now grand sto­ries of MRIs and bar­i­um so­lu­tions
of first colono­scopies (yes, the dread­ed OTH­ER YouTube)

when
un­der heavy se­da­tion

I asked to see the Dol­ly Grip

 

Opened for Dol­ly on a Thurs­day af­ter­noon
Wasn’t the Dol­ly I ex­pect­ed
Was sup­posed to be feath­ered and crimped

I AL­WAYS get hosed on my birth­day
 
 

—rob­bie ed­monds

Flom­mist Rob­bie Ed­monds would love to sit down with you and dis­cuss his the­o­ries of mind-swap­ping and time trav­el, but it ap­pears as if he, as his cat, just left to stop him­self from do­ing so … AGAIN! Copy­right © 2016 Rob­bie Ed­monds. Im­age source.

Rob­bie may be part of KABARETT FLomm­stein, com­ing this fall …

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