The three best things my father said this week:
1.
‘What’s with White people and Whiteness? I mean they’re so obsessed with racial purity they even made our food White –
‘White bread, White sugar, White eggs. I swear they fucked up our food because they were all racists.’
2.
‘Did you see Google searches for expatriation surged 350% after Trump won Super Tuesday?
‘Fuck running away! Don’t just hand our country over to them. You stay and you fight and if you get hit in the head with a billy club, well, that’s just the cost of freedom.’
3.
‘Okay, explain this millennial trend to me – there are guys trying to look like the 1800s with the curly mustache and beard with the shaved side and slicked back hair, and they dress like 1800s barbers but weird with, like, skinny jeans and combat boots? What is that?
‘Those guys look like pussies to me, pussies hiding under tattoo sleeves. What’s that called? Fops. Bunch of pussy fops. Can you imagine hanging out with someone like that? I bet they take themselves far too seriously to be any fun.’
—natalie michelle
Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2016 Natalie Michelle.
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