OK
Hear me out you guys.
Seriously. Gonna blow this whole thing wide open so buckle up your asses.
OK .…
(takes deep breath)
So we’ve had all these “fires” lately.
But these so called fires are on Earth.
Fire spreads to things it touches, does it not?
Follow me here?
So if the “fires” are on “Earth” and I’m on Earth whey didn’t I catch fire?
answer:
I’m not in the running for a high sped rail line.
In fact, I was *never even asked to be*.
BOOM!
verdict:
Chemtrail Vaccine Lasers.
(You’d think that the fact that conspiracy theories get more wildly fantastical in direct proportion to how stupid the people spreading them are would give its practitioners at least a moment of pause, but that’s the thing about fucking morons: They’re all convinced they are lone geniuses in a sea of ignorants.)
(All the evidence for weather machines, chemtrails, and space-based energy weapons is there in plain sight, if we’d only just stop thinking long enough to see it.)
This isn’t funny, cute, or eccentric anymore.
These dildos lost their right to drooling self-delusion when the first measles outbreak hit because they read that vaccinations weren’t as effective as activated cashews or some other such mindless garbage.
And if they bail, so be it. Don’t think of it as losing a friend so much as increasing the mean cognitive average of your peer group overall.
—jason malmberg
Flommist Jason Malmberg is a simple man who believes in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art sometimes. Copyright © 2018 Jason Malmberg.
PLEASE SUPPORT FLOMM
TIPS + DONATIONS DISCREETLY ACCEPTED