chunks of flommus
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so i can do some basic math in my head on the fly

i get to my local ampm…
i grab some earbuds…
for 11.99…
i grab an arizona ice tea…
one of those 99 cent cans…
i get to the counter.…
pull out 14 bucks…
in my head i am thinking…
11.99 plus 99 equals 12.98…
plus some tax…
8.5% or so…
guy behind the counter…
looka at me strange…
i ask if that is not enough…
he rattles off 14.85 or some shit…
i pull out a dollar…
he gives me 15 cents…
then i hit him with can i get a receipt…
he then gives me two receipts…
one for 12.98…
another for 7.85…
dude how do you figure this…
so i step him thru my calculations…
12.98 plus 1.04 equal 14.02…
i tell him to ring it all up on one ticket…
he is obviously irritated…
because i caught him on some shady shit…
dont be fucking with me…
i can do math in my head on the fly…
fucker.

so after my ampm fiasco…
i roll up to 24 hour fitness…
i know i dont believe it myself…
i jump on the running thingy…
i am watching chappell show reruns…
i notice one of those late nite comedy central commercials…
back when i had cable…
it used to be girls gone wild…
every other commercial…
but things change…
and i notice a new commercial…
1 800 we are 18 dot com or something to that effect…
i guess you can talk to girls whom are eighteen…
now i know my ass is old…
but who would want to talk with an 18 year old…
i thought it was a hilarious commercial…
i cant even imagine what those conversations be like…
all i can imagine me saying is.…
shut the fuck up over and over again…
old man yells at clouds.

—brian-anthony

Flommist Brian-Anthony is a former artist, craftsman and designer turned part time law student via YouTube and Google, works at a print shop, full time father, all around Good Samaritan, enjoys a fine sativa, reading and Arizona Green Tea. Copyright © 2017 Brian-Anthony.