mac is on point

Thanks­giv­ing is so overrated. 

Out­side of be­ing the ob­vi­ous cel­e­bra­tion of geno­cide and the dis­gust­ing white­wash­ing of his­to­ry that it is (make sure you talk about all that dur­ing dinner). 

Hot take … turkey is gross and the whole din­ner is mid af. 

Mac and Cheese is the only good thing and most white Thankgs­giv­ings I’ve ever been to don’t even have it (which is prob­a­bly good cause we’d prob­a­bly put some weird sea­son­al fuck­ery in there to ruin it anyway). 

Canned cran­ber­ry sauce is the only oth­er hon­or­able men­tion but not with the berries and don’t try mak­ing it your­self. No one asked for that. Canned is what we grew up on. Be­cause who the hell was go­ing to MAKE cran­ber­ry sauce!? It’s so mid as a dish it­self that no one even both­ered to make it from scratch. We all col­lec­tive­ly agreed to just let the can ride (even af­ter the 70s and 80s when Amer­i­ca stopped eat­ing weird ass things from cans). But here’s the thing. The rest of Thankstak­ing is SOOOOO bad that canned cran­ber­ry sauce ac­tu­al­ly stands out. It’s a phe­nom­e­non of mid re­al­ly. Canned cran­ber­ry sauce = healthy Jello.

Greens. I’ve had greens at least three dif­fer­ent times in the last two weeks … why? Be­cause greens are top tier food. There does­n’t have to be a whole hol­i­day nar­ra­tive cre­at­ed around them to get peo­ple to pur­chase them like turkey and dress­ing (those two specif­i­cal­ly are hold­ing down the low end of mid). 

Also, no one is drag­ging mashed pota­toes here. This hol­i­day was cre­at­ed by turkey farm­ers. Pota­to sal­ad is sum­mer time cook­out food that some­one dragged into Thankstak­ing to help it not be so mid but hon­est­ly a lot of pota­to sal­ad is trash. 

Pies and cakes are desserts, how dare you, but think about it … in the dessert realm … those are both mid. 

And yams are mid. AF. You’ve nev­er CRAVED yams. AND There are bet­ter uses through­out the year for those and we all know it.

Ba­si­cal­ly what I’m say­ing is I’m host­ing a lo­cals-only Mac and Cheese con­test to­day. DM for ad­dress. Drop on porch and have your Mac and Cheese ranked pro­fes­sion­al­ly by an in­ter­na­tion­al­ly rec­og­nized connoisseur.

A N D 

If I’ve Nev­er Had Your Mac and Cheese Do You Re­al­ly Love Me? My new book of po­ems com­ing out Fall 2022.

 

—an­dru defeye

Flom­mist An­dru De­f­eye is the Guer­ril­la Poet Lau­re­ate of Sacra­men­to. Copy­right © 2021 An­dru Defeye.

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