I cannot check a box that says,
“Heterosexual,” “Atheist,” “Muslim,” or “Jew.”
I’m an Involuntary Incel. Also. I have my own faith. I’m a Hamster.
Hamster.
My parents were highly educated, liberal, sophisticated nincompoops. When I was three, my hamster died. That’s what hamsters do. I freaked out. They sat me down and carefully explained, “Well the Buddhists believe this, and the Christians believe that, and the Jews believe this, that, and the other, and we are both Jews but somehow not really. As typical cartoon beatnik radical lefties, we can’t believe in God, but as typical Jews we feel terribly guilty not giving you a faith … ” and so on.
But the point is, you cannot explain the finer points of spirituality to a three year old!
I put the Hamster near the radiator and tried to feed it warm milk. Nevertheless it chose to remain kaput. What happens when you die? Is there a God? A Heaven? Or just – nothing?
I needed to believe (and still do) in a benign power protecting and loving me. Call it God, I don’t care. I’m a Hamster.
Also, they told me about sex when I was six. Clearly they were confused, or I was, because then I became a vegetarian. Much later I found out the way most people do. And now I think I’ve forgotten.
—laurie rosenwald
Flommist Laurie Rosenwald is an American illustrator, author, artist, and designer. Copyright © 2019 Laurie Rosenwald.
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