vent

“I didn’t re­al­ly much care for all the re­li­gious stuff. Made me feel un­com­fort­able, like I was in church or some­thing. I liked the Russ­ian mu­sic, though.”
—One guy’s re­sponse to ex­pe­ri­enc­ing a live choir and or­ches­tra per­form Brahms
 

Well, I was awake for all of about an hour to­day be­fore a fam­i­ly mem­ber was al­ready mad at me for be­ing ‘Against Christ.’

The only thing I love about be­ing a UU more than ex­haust­ing con­ver­sa­tions with peo­ple who think all fla­vors of spir­i­tu­al­i­ty are ex­clu­sive­ly for evil, anti-in­tel­lec­tu­al straw­men, is my Chris­t­ian Con­ser­v­a­tive fam­i­ly telling me what a god­less hea­then I am, and vers­ing me on all of the re­li­gious lessons that are al­ready so hard­wired in my brain I couldn’t for­get them if I tried (spoil­ers: I have tried).

Some­how I al­ways man­age to be si­mul­ta­ne­ous­ly Je­sus-ing too hard and not hard enough. Like some kind of cos­mic USB stick, al­ways in the wrong position. 

I guess I de­vot­ed years of my life to be­ing a weird re­li­gious kid sole­ly so I could have the worst of every world.

I feel like I have been asked so sel­dom­ly about what I ac­tu­al­ly think or be­lieve in, pro­por­tion­al to how many times I’ve been be­rat­ed for what­ev­er a per­son de­cid­ed to project onto me in­stead of both­er­ing to ask.

Maybe I should set up a stand in my front yard like Lucy from Peanuts, so peo­ple can pay in nick­els to talk to me like I’m some­body else in their life that they’re al­ready very up­set with.

Sor­ry for say­ing that I think what plants are con­sid­ered ‘weeds’ is a hu­man con­struct, and that God can still hear you spelling out your swear words.

THE SHEEP SHALL BE SEP­A­RAT­ED FROM THE GOATS, AND I AM A GOAT.

*takes a slow bite out of a soda can*
 
 

—bwargh von modnar

Flom­mist Bwargh von Mod­nar is. Copy­right © 2019 Bwargh von Modnar.‬

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