The Party? It’s called ‘Mary X‑Mas Superfest’
‘Mary,’ like a chick. Like, her name is Mary.
Not like you marry her, you fucking moron.
I don’t know. It’s some warehouse shit.
My friend Claire here says it’s gonna be a kick-ass fucking time.
Happy Birthday Jesus.
You died and came back like a butterfly so here’s a song in tribute to that
The real War on Christmas is Jesus having a moment of clarity at his own birthday party as he scans the room and realizes
Man, my friends are almost *entirely* assholes.
Does everyone have that moment of clarity in their lives?
I hope it’s a more universal thing.
Mindy Kaling has done us all a great mitzvah, which I think is Jewish for solid.
Oh dang.
—jason malmberg
Flommist Jason Malmberg is a simple man who believes in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art sometimes. Copyright © 2018 Jason Malmberg.
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