So I was like,
“I love you, do not come here in January?”
I’m out in the devil’s weather standing at a crosswalk waiting for the light to turn, bracing myself against the actual ice knives carving into my face when my dopey MF visiting friend turns to me and says,
“Isn’t this weather romantic?”
Bitch, I am trying not to be found by archaeologists perfectly preserved in an iceberg 10,000 years from now and you’re talking about romantic.
Romantic. Jesus.
You know what’s fucking romantic? Rays of sunlight illuminating the silhouette of linens clinging against sun-kissed, sweat-glistened skin. Some other poetic shit about the hum of life and floral musk metaphorically representing sexual activity that I’m too cold to come up with right now.
Summer shit is romantic. Not burying myself in forty pounds of fabric and trying not to slip on the ice while I waddle across the street in this frozen hellscape.
Romantic. GTFO. Just go. Just fucking go.
—natalie michelle
Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2017 Natalie Michelle.
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