chunks of flommus
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traditional life

A myriad of thoughts take over me recently. Right now, as I write this, I am fighting overwhelming concerns.

My life, what is it? I’m beginning to write for a start up magazine and it seems like so many horrible things I’ve lived through are the stories we don’t ever speak about.

I am beginning to address them but I find myself now wishing I had my mom once again beside me to talk. My heart aches for lost love. I’ve moved from a place I was starting to think of as a home. All of this – without her here – makes me want to throw everything away and call nowhere home.

I don’t want to participate in traditional life anymore with what the world allows to be okay. I am trying now to spark something with this fire inside me, and I want it to burn out in the world – with every ear that hears my voice and eye that reads my words.

I’m trying to connect as I take great loss but still I remain unconnected because I am not the same as those who surround me.

I don’t make sense in my ways and I don’t feel understood.

I’m a wolf lost in a forest, attacking anything that poses a threat to my heart, allowing some to draw to near in hopes they can bare something of hope, but the reality is I need to stand alone – allow necessity to trigger healing.

My soul needs to open – to release – water to wash away what I’ve known and nurture a new beginning.

I can’t say I’m capable of not looking back from time to time, but I will continue as I started to with my mother before she was taken away. I journey alone psychically – though spiritually I still have those standing beside me – and I am grateful.

—alley scheffki