There has to be some word in German or Japanese or something that describes the overwhelming feeling like you’re forgetting to do something but there’s nothing you’re forgetting and there’s also nothing you really have to do.
It’s not anxiety. I mean, I know what my anxiety feels like, and this isn’t it.
It’s a weird feeling I’ve started having lately and maybe I’m just letting turning forty get into my head too much.
And this year was especially hectic and stressful so maybe it’s just the residual feeling of having a million things to do and not enough time to do all of them.
I’ve also been out of my cast for a while and it’s made a world of difference in my day to day disposition. The whole experience was very humbling and made me realize just how much I take for granted being able to get around on my own two feet.
Knowing you can walk anywhere and the only thing that’s limiting how far you can go are the hours of sunlight in the day is incredibly freeing. And it’s a huge privilege.
But yeah. Lately I’ve felt like I’m in that confused Travolta meme where he’s just wandering around looking around.
My home is peaceful, and I’m happy with my environment, and I am absolutely all about doing fuck all and just relaxing. But I still have this weird feeling like there’s something I need to be doing.
And there isn’t.
—emily duchaine
Flommist Emily Duchaine lives in the Pacific Northwest. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and listen to the Talking Heads. She pretends to be a professional businesswoman most days. Copyright © 2022 Emily Duchaine.
PLEASE SUPPORT FLOMM
TIPS + DONATIONS DISCREETLY ACCEPTED