“Mark Wahlberg
recently asserted that the fictional events contained in Bobby ‘Boris’ Pickett’s 1962 novelty song ‘Monster Mash’ never would have happened if he’d been at Frankenstein’s castle that night … ‘I only asked him if he was excited for Halloween before he went off on the beloved novelty song for three or four hours’”
—hard times
“Just once,
dachshund would love to dress up as something other than hot dog”
—onion
This year has mostly been hot fuckin’ garbage.
I love this time of year and I couldn’t even be arsed to decorate for Halloween because I’m just too tired.
Normally I’d feel sad about that but this year I’m just like,
“It’s okay. There are plenty of other decorations you can enjoy. Celebrate by resting and taking care of your spooky self.”
I appreciate having friends I can make tentative plans with and when the day rolls around we’re like
“I’m too tired/sad/tucked in/whatevs”
and we’ll understand and it’s all good and we’ll just make more solid plans for later when we aren’t too overwhelmed/exhausted/preoccupied with life’s bullshit.
And I never liked the Charlie Brown Halloween special as a kid 🤷🏻♀️
Snoopy and Woodstock were also the only parts of it I ever liked. I also liked a lot of the music.
But I hated how everyone treated Charlie Brown, while at the same time he irritated me too in a lot of ways. Linus is one of the most tolerable ones until he pulls all that Great Pumpkin stuff out of his ass and ruins Sally’s Halloween.
I doubt we will get many trick or treaters because we live on a hill and it’s raining.
But there’s candy in my plastic witch cauldron and I’m going to put on my Halloween sweater and the witch hat I’ve borrowed.
And when I answer the door I’m going to be holding Whiskey. 🐈⬛ 🧙♀️ 🍬 🎃
This is Whiskey, btw.
*accidentally knocks ‘G’ off graveyard sign*
[beat drops]
*skeletons rise from ground twirling glowsticks dancing like crazy*— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) September 5, 2014
From last year, Florence Pugh dressing up as her own Midsommar character.
And I have this on repeat:
“Mom why was that woman dancing weird?”
“Cocaine, honey.”
—emily duchaine
Flommist Emily Duchaine lives in the Pacific Northwest. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and listen to the Talking Heads. She pretends to be a professional businesswoman most days. Copyright © 2022 Emily Duchaine.
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