Idk who needed to hear this besides me
but when you grow up in chaos it can begin to feel like home,
so much so that we begin to create chaos to feel at home in.
You’re not alone in this.
Not only is it all g to just chill in the wellbeing but appreciating the peace IS the best way to fight the chaos.
It is okay not to be okay.
Even on #TheGreatJoyHunt.
It’s called a hunt for a reason.
You gotta look for that shit.
I worry some times that my efforts to stay focused on the positive, especially on social media, create a false perception that can be damaging to those who are learning self love and looking to me as an example. My life is beautiful but it is not perfect or pain-free.
I’m not okay right now. And I’m an expert level joy hunter. Today my joy is that I’m allowed to not be okay. That I have people around me who do not demand light out of me when my world goes dim. That my friends know that I tend to forget to eat and that tacos help everything. I’m thankful I’ve done my work enough to try and slow down and give myself some grace on these hard days.
Hopefully this transparency helps someone watching from the bleachers. I’m just as human as you despite the fact that I jump into my pants both legs at the same time in the morning and have an imaginary pink gorilla bestie. Anxiety, depression, and mental health issues wait in my blood as in many of yours. Every day is a battle against them. Most days I win. Some days I don’t. But each day I find something to be thankful for and work to place my focus there.
This is where the basics come in to practice. Before you can love yourself you have to trust yourself. Before you trust yourself you have to forgive yourself. Today I forgive myself for not feeling okay and trust that I will do what I need to heal.
Be gentle with you. You deserve it. We got this.
Hella love.
—andru defeye
Flommist Andru Defeye is the Guerrilla Poet Laureate of Sacramento. Copyright © 2019 Andru Defeye.
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