survival

You know what? 

I’m tired of get­ting stepped on, tossed aside and told I de­serve what life has tossed at me thus far. I’ll ad­mit it I haven’t been the best per­son in the world. I have my flaws. But at this point in my life I’ve seen more of my fam­i­ly and friends die than most my age. 

I’ve been sub­ject­ed to both men­tal and phys­i­cal abuse from my par­ents and even ex-part­ners. I have de­pres­sion and anx­i­ety, mean­ing pan­ic at­tacks are a thing that hap­pen of­ten as well as points where I don’t want to keep run­ning on my course of life. I’ve tried sev­er­al times to end my own life over the years, many times a friend caught me be­fore it was too late. 

But you know what? I’m over it all. I’m over all this bull­shit life has tossed at me thus far. 

If it’s one thing I’ve learned is that I’m stronger than most – if not all – of the shit that I’m go­ing through. Knock me down once, I’ll stay down only to get back up and keep mov­ing for­ward twice as hard. 

And you know what? I’m gonna start chang­ing not only my sur­round­ings, but also myself. 

So I’m tak­ing things day by day, pick­ing up lit­tle tricks to work on my anx­i­ety, eat­ing bet­ter, work­ing out, and even set­ting lit­tle re­minders for my­self for when I’m feel­ing like there’s no hope (the re­minders re­al­ly help, to be honest). 

Got­ta ad­mit, so far there’s been pos­i­tive changes com­ing my way.

God knows this is long overdue.
 

 

—kristin valen­tine buechler

Flom­mist Kristin Valen­tine Buech­ler is an artist, trav­el­er, and pro­fes­sion­al dream­er. Copy­right © 2016 Kristin Valen­tine Buechler.

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