…

pe­ri­ods be­fore 25
1.  Just want to lay down and eat some choco­late.

2.  Maybe cry a lit­tle bit.

3.  Re­al­ly em­bar­rass­ing to buy tam­pons or let part­ner know you’re on your pe­ri­od.

4.  Take a naprox­en. Sleep. Heat­ing pad. Pain is gone.
 

pe­ri­ods af­ter 25
1.  I’m go­ing to drink 2 bot­tles of wine a day.

2.  Lay any­where that is soft & has pil­lows.

3.  Take some pain killers if I can find any.

4.  Cool, I get hot flash­es now.

5.  Cool, I now I have to sleep with a tow­el, ice pack, heat­ing pad & huge blan­ket.

6.  Sor­ry per­son I’m sleep­ing next to, now you’re suf­fer­ing & also cov­ered in my hot flash sweat.

7.  Lit­er­al­ly can’t watch baby any­thing videos with­out cry­ing.

8.  Cry­ing be­cause I ran out of snacks.

9.  Cry­ing be­cause I can’t but­ton my jeans.

10.  I’m so bloat­ed I look like I’m 3 months preg­nant.

11.  My nip­ples are pointy and sore.

12.  Forces part­ner to buy tam­pons in­stead.

13.  Cry­ing. Be­cause.
 

And if I ask for, like, three Vi­codins so I can at least be a nor­mal hu­man for a few days, they are like, “no, take some ibupro­fen and ap­ply heat.”

So I usu­al­ly just drink the 2 bot­tles of red wine.

One time I had 4. It was a rough day.
 
 

—aman­da layng mar­tinez

Flom­mist Aman­da Layng Mar­tinez is a graph­ic de­sign­er. She like cats, tea, not wear­ing a bra, pee­ing in pub­lic, and ‘eat­ing as much as I can be­fore I feel full.’ Copy­right © 2018 Aman­da Layng Mar­tinez. Pic­tured: Sor Jua­na Inés de la Cruz (1648–95).

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