periods before 25
1. Just want to lay down and eat some chocolate.
2. Maybe cry a little bit.
3. Really embarrassing to buy tampons or let partner know you’re on your period.
4. Take a naproxen. Sleep. Heating pad. Pain is gone.
periods after 25
1. I’m going to drink 2 bottles of wine a day.
2. Lay anywhere that is soft & has pillows.
3. Take some pain killers if I can find any.
4. Cool, I get hot flashes now.
5. Cool, I now I have to sleep with a towel, ice pack, heating pad & huge blanket.
6. Sorry person I’m sleeping next to, now you’re suffering & also covered in my hot flash sweat.
7. Literally can’t watch baby anything videos without crying.
8. Crying because I ran out of snacks.
9. Crying because I can’t button my jeans.
10. I’m so bloated I look like I’m 3 months pregnant.
11. My nipples are pointy and sore.
12. Forces partner to buy tampons instead.
13. Crying. Because.
And if I ask for, like, three Vicodins so I can at least be a normal human for a few days, they are like, “no, take some ibuprofen and apply heat.”
So I usually just drink the 2 bottles of red wine.
One time I had 4. It was a rough day.
—amanda layng martinez
Flommist Amanda Layng Martinez is a graphic designer. She like cats, tea, not wearing a bra, peeing in public, and ‘eating as much as I can before I feel full.’ Copyright © 2018 Amanda Layng Martinez. Pictured: Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz (1648–95).
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