missionaries

“Just as God guid­ed Joseph Smith’s hand
to pull the box containing
the gold­en plates from the Earth,
so shall you pull this
holy fence post from my yard …”
 

This is just your year­ly re­minder that when the two Mor­mon dorks show up on your doorstep to preach their de­caf­feinat­ed, al­co­hol-free brand of Chris­tian­i­ty, you can put those vir­gin mus­cles to good use and make them do chores around your home. 

It’s the ser­vice part of their mission.

You might have to hear about Joseph Smith, but your lawn will be mowed and your weeds pulled.

I have done this af­ter my friend’s grand­moth­er told me about how she al­ways does it.

Pro­tip:
Tell them: 

“I’d love to hear you out but I have to do yard work (sad­face)”

then they will le­git vol­un­teer to do it.
 
 

—na­tal­ie michelle

Flom­mist Na­tal­ie Michelle does­n’t have a bio. She just rants. Copy­right © 2017 Na­tal­ie Michelle. Pic­tured: Nor­man Rockwell’s Tom Sawyer (White­wash­ing the Fence; cropped) for Her­itage Press, 1936.

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