i let you go

I let you go
A very long time ago
So much so
That I have noth­ing to hold back to anymore

I close my eyes
Try­ing hard to rely
On mem­o­ries that fail me
How­ev­er hard I try

I re­mem­ber though
The bed­room clos­et I hid behind
Tears stream­ing down my eyes
Try­ing to shut off the noise
Pray­ing the knife
Would not pen­e­trate the pre­cious soul

I re­mem­ber your beauty
That fad­ed so fast
Which sits now on my bedside
In a frame
Hol­low with the pain it casts

For­give me
For I can­not be there for you now
To hold you, to com­fort you
Like I needed
All those years grow­ing up

I let you go
A very long time ago
Be­cause deep down
That was the only thing I could control

 

—mala paul

Flom­mist Mala Paul is a pro­tégé of the god­dess of ten hands. Form to form­less all in a day’s job. A moth­er, de­sign­er, dancer, food­ie, fash­ion­ista, blog­ger, who is al­ways ready to be the change. Copy­right © 2017 Mala Paul. Foto by Michelle Mc­Daid.

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