hissssssssssssssssss (claws at trump’s quintuple-chin)

“Some­body who thinks Trump is do­ing a good job, there’s no con­ver­sa­tion to have with that per­son. I know they say you should reach across the aisle and all that crap, but to me it feels like putting your hand into a fan.”
—Michael Shan­non

 

Right now
I’m the ‘when you drop your keys right be­fore un­lock­ing the door to your house af­ter a stress­ful day’ guy ex­cept I’ve been like this for about sev­en fuck­ing months.

Got back from what was sup­posed to be a quick trip to the store and due to a shit­ty boomer who re­quest­ed that prac­ti­cal­ly an en­tire pig be sliced pa­per thin (af­ter which he was ex­treme­ly rude to the em­ploy­ee and nei­ther said thank you nor ac­knowl­edged her what­so­ev­er when she told him to have a nice day) thus de­lay­ing me in the deli, and, some­one rec­og­niz­ing me and want­i­ng to have a nice long CHAT, I was on the precipice of a break­down.

I for­got the yel­low onion. I did not re­al­ize this un­til I got all the way home and cracked a beer.

And Au­drey, thank you so much for the re­place­ment onion. Who knew a sim­ple yel­low onion could make a girl so hap­py? 😅🧅🔪

 

There’s a scene
in My Blue Heav­en (1990) where Joan Cusack’s char­ac­ter has just had to deal with her shit­ty ex-hus­band dur­ing the hol­i­days when he comes to pick up the kids, and af­ter she starts drink­ing she gasps and says, “He made me drink! I’m drink­ing, in soli­tary!” Then she gets drunk and starts clean­ing the house and talk­ing to her­self and says, “Now I’m clean­ing! I’m clean­ing in soli­tary!”

Boy I have felt like that a lot through­out all this.

Also if you have nev­er seen My Blue Heav­en (which is kind of the se­quel to Good­fel­las (1990)) you re­al­ly need to check it out.

 

I’m do­ing my best
to stay strong and keep my chin up but to­day in the store I al­most had a ner­vous break­down.

“I’m so fuck­ing sick of wear­ing this god­damn mask.”

Don’t wor­ry – I’m not gonna stop wear­ing it. But I’m so fuck­ing sick of it.

I won­der how we’re all go­ing to han­dle our Trump sup­port­ing friends and fam­i­ly af­ter they show us who they re­al­ly are. Again. For a sec­ond time. Af­ter four years of all this.

Like, if Biden doesn’t win, the fun thing will be all the hot takes writ­ten by pon­tif­i­cat­ing blowhards about how “Biden wasn’t in­spir­ing enough,” in­stead of, “tens of mil­lions of Amer­i­cans are fas­cist mon­sters.”

 

So did we fi­nal­ly get his tax­es?

Can’t wait to see long it takes for this to be­come a non-is­sue.

*puts fin­ger to ear*

Wait … what’s that? Oh it al­ready is?

Ha­ha­ha of course it is.

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2020 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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