elbowing my way through 2018

Boy howdy, the news cy­cle is CRAZY lately. 

•  The Pope says par­ents should take gay kids to psy­chi­a­trists! Not to help them achieve self ac­cep­tance or cope with be­ing os­tra­cized, though. Just ’cause they’re gay – that means you need to talk to a psychiatrist!

•  Don­ald Trump coloured the flag wrong, thinks Google is out to get him, and re­mem­bers Pearl Harbor!

•  John Mc­Cain died, and sud­den­ly, lib­er­als to­tal­ly love the guy!

•  Louis CK: Back! Aziz Ansari: Back!

•  Piece of shit gamer fuck­head gets mad when he los­es a tour­na­ment, shoots and kills a bunch of people!

•  On the way to my den­tist ap­point­ment, I passed a Burg­er King and the mar­quee said “pret­zel chick­en fries.” I have no idea what that means or how to con­cep­tu­al­ize such a thing, but I’m pret­ty sure it’s the of­fi­cial food of 2018 – 

— Noth­ing says “fuck it” like pret­zel chick­en fries!
 

I knew I got too ex­cit­ed when they an­nounced the Big Bang The­o­ry was ending.
 

Bonus fun: Pre­tend you’re read­ing this post in Michelle Wolf’s voice.
 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2018 Emi­ly Duchaine. Pic­tured: George Grosz, The Street (cropped), 1915.

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