dr flomm says drink da power smoothie!

So I gave up POW­ER DRINKS be­cause I found out how you may die if you drink too many of them. And it’s a hor­ri­ble way to go – but most­ly be­cause that’s how they killed off Jim­my Smits’ char­ac­ter on NYPD Blue. They used so many dra­mat­ic tech­niques, frankly, I just don’t want to go out that way. And I can be rather ir­ra­tional and dra­mat­ic myself.

So I’ve been look­ing for POW­ER DRINK RE­PLACE­MENTS that might be safer. Blue Lady Zest Tea is one. And I came up with this IT’S CHER­RY SEA­SON RIGHT NOW Dr Pep­peresque smooth­ie as another:
 

DR FLOMM POW­ER SMOOTHIE

1 cup Cher­ries (pit­ted, frozen works güd)
1 cup Al­mond or Oat Milk

Splash Al­mond Extract
Splash Rum Extract
Splash Raw Ap­ple Cider Vine­gar (or Raw Rasp­ber­ry, Pomegranate)
Squeeze Lime or Lemon Juice

1 sleeve Great Val­ue En­er­gy Drag­on­fruit Drink Mix (has caffeine)
Half a shot So­daS­tream Dr Pete (I use Diet, con­tains Splenda)

3 scoops Pro­tein Powder
3 scoops Flax Seed
Heap­ing tea­spoon Guaraná Pow­der
Sprin­kle Salt
Pinch Saf­fron (op­tion­al)

Heap­ing ta­ble­spoon Plain Yo­gurt, and or
Heap­ing ta­ble­spoon Sour Cream, or
Heap­ing ta­ble­spoon Crème Fraîche, or
Ve­g­an equivalent

Hand­ful Fresh Baby Spinach
Fin­ish with mor Al­mond or Oat Milk if there’s still room

Throw every­thing in BUL­LET or NIN­JA or plain ol blender MOOOOOSH and enjoy.

This Dr Flomm thing isn’t to­tal­ly healthy, but has some healthy stuff in it. 

And I’ve al­ways loved Dr Pep­per. And this does a güd job of WAK­ING ME UP when I need it.

Back in 2000, my com­ic strip Sev­en Sec­ond De­lay was set in a juice bar in a re­pur­posed Taco Bell, so at the time I came up with a bunch of re­al­ly un­healthy smooth­ie recipes we end­ed up post­ing at our web­site. One was a Jolt Cola with Cher­ries mix this is based on. IT WORKED WELL THEN BUT HEALTH­I­ER TO­DAY CAUSE I’VE LEFT OUT THE FIVE CUPS OF HIGH FRUC­TOSE CORN SYRUP as a base.

For vari­a­tions, try dif­fer­ent soda fla­vors – the main rea­son I use So­daS­tream syrup is I’m con­vinced my BUL­LET WILL EX­PLODE if I put ac­tu­al car­bon­at­ed soda in it. If you’re us­ing a old school blender, you can try dif­fer­ent soft drinks or some­thing like LaCroix for the fizz.

Raw vine­gars come in dif­fer­ent fla­vors now, so try any­thing. A hit of sour fla­vor helps calm the sweet­ness, as does the salt.

Guaraná is awe­some, THE EN­ER­GY IN­GRE­DI­ENT in all the oth­er POW­ER DRINKS, the pow­der is very nut­ty. Cause it comes from a nut, a nut with fuck­ing eye­balls. But, I’ve found if you just make a tea from it, it should be fil­tered, like cof­fee. For a smooth­ie, tho, it blends right in. Guaraná is an­oth­er awe­some in­gre­di­ent that grows in the South Amer­i­can Rain­for­est – i.e. cof­fee, cola nuts – I used to LOVE Jos­ta cause of the guaraná fla­vor, sim­i­lar is Guaraná Antarc­ti­ca soda.

Walmart’s Great Val­ue En­er­gy Drag­on­fruit Drink Mix is an odd prod­uct that to­tal­ly WON our taste test art ex­hi­bi­tion at our first 423 event. It is AN AWE­SOME CHEM­I­CAL­LY-FLA­VORED THING WITH CAF­FEINE IN IT. I’ve found it plays off well when mixed with the guaraná, but be care­ful; every­one has dif­fer­ent tol­er­ances for caf­feine. OK?

Saf­fron is a uma­mi thing. I add it to Dr Pep­per in a can, it gives a nice fla­vor boost – tho I’M NOT SURE YET if its work­ing in the smooth­ie or not. 

SPINACH IS AWE­SOME, just ask Pop­eye. And if fresh, it doesn’t muck up the fla­vor and blends right in. Ad­just amount to your taste.

Liquor? WHY THE HELL NOT? Try Dubon­net, vod­ka, gin, whisky, a nice rum, red wine (here’s a flom­mist-run win­ery) with grena­dine or bitters.

Also, I got so much EN­ER­GY FROM THIS DRINK TO­DAY, I end­ed up writ­ing this LONG FUCK­ING BLOG POST OKAY?

So there.

With all this stuff I like to ex­per­i­ment, change things up a lot, hell, add pro­bi­otics, olive oil or cab­bage, BUT you don’t have to do every­thing I say. All I re­al­ly ask is lis­ten to RADíO FLoMM cause it’s güd for you.

 

—steve mehal­lo

Flom­mist Steve Mehal­lo is a graph­ic de­sign­er, il­lus­tra­tor, font de­sign­er, ed­u­ca­tor, food­ie and gad­fly. He is the cre­ator and founder of FLOMM!

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