cut!

So I saw Un­cut Gems (2019) with lit­er­al­ly no knowl­edge of the plot.

It was si­mul­ta­ne­ous­ly mas­ter­ful­ly craft­ed and the worst movie go­ing ex­pe­ri­ence of my life.

That film has tak­en weeks if not months off my life.

Also sor­ry for all the cir­cum­ci­sion jokes I made be­fore re­al­iz­ing how Jew­ish the movie is.

And

They say spec scripts of Se­in­feld are a bad idea.

 

jer­ry:
You would­n’t be­lieve it, she asks ME, to eat her ass. ME!

george:
… Eat her ass? I don’t un­der­stand, she thinks you’re an ass-eater?

jer­ry:
She thinks I’m an ass-eater!

george:
An eater … of ass?

jer­ry:
An ass-eater!

george:
Well did you, you know… eat it?

jer­ry:
No, I got all self-conscious.

kramer slides in.

jer­ry:
Kramer, has a woman ever asked you to eat her ass?

kramer:
Oh, yeah, man. You got­ta eat her ass.

george:
You gotta?

kramer:
Got­ta! (mouth noise)

buzzer rings, it’s elaine.

george:
You know I don’t think I could eat ass. I don’t like hav­ing the same din­ner twice.

kramer:
Oh that’s dis­gust­ing. C’mon Jer­ry why won’t you eat ass?

jer­ry:
(Waves Kramer away) Eh.

kramer:
No I mean it! It’s a real in­ti­mate mo­ment, eat­ing ass.

elaine:
I’ve eat­en ass.

jer­ry:
You’ve eat­en ass?

elaine:
Yeah of course, haven’t you?

george:
That’s it, I’ve got­ta try it! George isn’t get­ting left behind!

george ex­its.

—Stolen from Xyzz Pleather (hip­ster doofus)

 

—mel­ony ppenosyne

Flom­mist Mel­ony Ppenosyne is a writer and weird artist type. In the last year alone, she’s trav­eled to Vir­ginia as a com­pet­ing poet, co-writ­ten a play on men­tal ill­ness that is present­ly be­ing pro­duced, and craft­ed a pub­lished es­say check­ing the priv­i­lege and scope of art gal­leries. Copy­right © 2020 Mel­ony Ppenosyne.

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