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THE BATTLE FOR MODeRN 1923


  chunks of flommus 

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being in a relationship with me

What be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with me
and the im­pos­si­bil­i­ties it with­holds calls for is what has left me in a place of ig­nor­ing, let­ting in,
and no decisions.

See what be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with me
is like the late night sex when all of a sud­den I’ve turned to ter­ror, shak­ing, and telling you “you aren’t you.”

In nights like those; I’m hav­ing flash­backs trig­gered by sex.

It’s the an­noy­ing babe “I want a love let­ter” and the cry­ing tears of all the stress I have on my shoulders.

Be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with me
is watch­ing me be­come so in­trin­si­cal­ly in­volved in a piece of art
– writ­ing, paint­ing, or cap­tur­ing a photo –
with noth­ing but jeal­ous left in you
be­cause I’m not giv­ing that much of my­self to you.

Some­times it’s the burned dinners
or the food that tastes like shit
be­cause I de­cid­ed to wing it.

I beg for you to take a bath with me.

I leave the TV on at night be­cause I grew up that way and I fear most nights sleep­ing with­out it.

There are days you’ll see how cranky I am just be­ing wok­en up.

And there is not a day with­out my pets.

I don’t live by a good sched­ule as I be­come un­hap­py with con­tin­u­ous repetition.

I get bored easy.

I’m rather rest­less if I don’t ad­ven­ture some­time with­in the week.

I don’t have a mom any­more in and it’s shaped me, I guar­an­tee you’ll hear about it.

I’m bad at pre­tend­ing I’m hap­py, so you’ll know it by my si­lence or loud voice.

I wrote po­et­ic bull­shit to make the shit­ty things less shitty.

And this is the sur­face of what is buried un­der­neath what­ev­er shal­low rea­sons you find on top to con­sid­er putting your time into me.

 

And peo­ple keep ask­ing me what de­ci­sion I have made on my relationship.

I have no decision.

 
 
 

—al­ley scheffki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 22 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2017 Al­ley Schef­f­ki. Al­ley is also the dri­ving force and host of FLoMM­CAST.

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Der Tung
Posted
Fri 14 Jul 2017

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