Some people are so consistent about keeping their eNarrative on point: Fancy parties, fast cars, delicious meals, wise sayings, or not-so-wise sayings with deceptively clever imagery and font usage.
Surely as an aspiring propagandist, I have all the skill necessary to make my life look like the stuff of inspiration as well. Is this what I should be doing? Has my level of openness about being a real human been a mistake?
Positivity, to me, doesn’t mean never showing weakness, or even never feeling low. I see it as being more desire driven — that desire to improve, to see things as they could be, and then putting in the effort to move in that direction.
I want to hear about your victories as well as defeats, your silly kids and delicious sandwiches. I want to hear about every day that you crushed it or kinda screwed up and opposite-of-crushed it. And I want to be rooting for you the whole time.
But it occurs to me that I’m also just really fucking weird.
The eNarrative is so powerful because it’s a story we all want to believe in, even when we are the one telling it. But to me it feels a bit like playing into the same ideas that we’re all just one serendipitous opportunity away from being rich and famous so we should just keep society set up to benefit those people the most.
Sometimes I have adventures and make cool art and party with people in other cities!
And sometimes I eat nothing but salad and don’t see sunlight for a few days at a time.
Right now I’m mostly locked in my room doing yoga and breath work, and clearing my mind in ways I forgot were possible.
My true self is fractured into extremes tempered only by cognition, but through this exercise in self-compassion I am finding someone new and more complete.
Maybe her life will be an Instagram party too? But right now, I’m just doing my best.
I hope that is ok. ❤
—bwargh von modnar
Flommist Bwargh von Modnar is. Copyright © 2016 Bwargh von Modnar. Pictured: ‘You might be cute … but you’re not fuzzy-pompom-Christmas-mouse cute. Unless you are, of course.’
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