trimck or treamt

“Mark Wahlberg
re­cent­ly as­sert­ed that the fic­tion­al events con­tained in Bob­by ‘Boris’ Pickett’s 1962 nov­el­ty song ‘Mon­ster Mash’ nev­er would have hap­pened if he’d been at Frankenstein’s cas­tle that night … ‘I only asked him if he was ex­cit­ed for Hal­loween be­fore he went off on the beloved nov­el­ty song for three or four hours’”
—hard times

“Just once,
dachs­hund would love to dress up as some­thing oth­er than hot dog”
—onion
 

This year has most­ly been hot fuckin’ garbage. 

I love this time of year and I couldn’t even be ar­sed to dec­o­rate for Hal­loween be­cause I’m just too tired.
 

 

Nor­mal­ly I’d feel sad about that but this year I’m just like, 

“It’s okay. There are plen­ty of oth­er dec­o­ra­tions you can en­joy. Cel­e­brate by rest­ing and tak­ing care of your spooky self.”

I ap­pre­ci­ate hav­ing friends I can make ten­ta­tive plans with and when the day rolls around we’re like 

“I’m too tired/sad/tucked in/whatevs”

and we’ll un­der­stand and it’s all good and we’ll just make more sol­id plans for lat­er when we aren’t too overwhelmed/exhausted/preoccupied with life’s bullshit.
 

 

And I nev­er liked the Char­lie Brown Hal­loween spe­cial as a kid 🤷🏻‍♀️

Snoopy and Wood­stock were also the only parts of it I ever liked. I also liked a lot of the mu­sic.

But I hat­ed how every­one treat­ed Char­lie Brown, while at the same time he ir­ri­tat­ed me too in a lot of ways. Li­nus is one of the most tol­er­a­ble ones un­til he pulls all that Great Pump­kin stuff out of his ass and ru­ins Sally’s Halloween.
 

 

I doubt we will get many trick or treaters be­cause we live on a hill and it’s raining.

But there’s can­dy in my plas­tic witch caul­dron and I’m go­ing to put on my Hal­loween sweater and the witch hat I’ve borrowed. 

And when I an­swer the door I’m go­ing to be hold­ing Whiskey. 🐈‍⬛ 🧙‍♀️ 🍬 🎃
 
 
 
 

This is Whiskey, btw.
 

*ac­ci­den­tal­ly knocks ‘G’ off grave­yard sign*
[beat drops]
*skele­tons rise from ground twirling glow­sticks danc­ing like crazy*

— Jeff Wysas­ki (@pleatedjeans) Sep­tem­ber 5, 2014

From last year, Flo­rence Pugh dress­ing up as her own Mid­som­mar character.
 

 

And I have this on repeat:

 

“Mom why was that woman danc­ing weird?”

“Co­caine, honey.”
 

 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2022 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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