becoming

Life out the win­dow dur­ing sleep­less nights. Some­thing awak­ens me con­stant­ly through out these past few nights and I am not sure what it is. To­day I reached some­where, some­where I al­ways want­ed to be. I saw it in my mind and nev­er knew where it was or if it even ex­ist­ed. The beau­ty in re­al­i­ty is it be­ing true. True to ex­is­tence and yet I nev­er thought I would feel so sad. I’m un­sure if sad­ness even means that you are un­hap­py. It’s not as if I was. Maybe sad­ness is let­ting go – go of some­thing you held so tight and re­al­ized there was no need to. Hold­ing on so tight is what made it die; it’s like hold­ing a small crea­ture in your arms an un­will­ing­ness to let go, the tighter the grip and sud­den­ly it’s gone. I don’t know what else to say oth­er than it hurts to be at this point of re­al­iza­tion and it hurts to be hap­py that the grasp one had on you is gone. But I can breathe, and right now I’m gasp­ing to breathe in. Still see­ing the ex­is­tence of what I held so dear be­ing the only one to en­vi­sion it. And as I say to my­self I’ll take in what dark­ness has come, for I only see the po­ten­tial to turn it into light. These mo­ments have gift­ed me some­thing no one can understand.

—al­ley scheffki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 21 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2015 Al­ley Schef­f­ki. All rights reserved. 

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