50 things: liberal curse ’n’ powdered wigs

1.
Wake up, go to the bathroom.

2.
Stand there con­sid­er­ing whether to flush or not due to the drought.

3.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about wa­ter short­age and cli­mate change and won­der­ing, what to do.

4.
Go to kitchen cut open a fresh bag of cof­fee dump­ing it into the cof­fee container.

5.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about or­gan­ic farm­ing and fair trade prac­tices in the world and won­der­ing, what to do.

6.
Stand there con­sid­er­ing whether the bag is re­cy­clable or not.

7.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing of land­fills, how waste­ful hu­mans are, and won­der­ing, what to do.

8.
Turn on the T.V.

9.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about what tragedy is go­ing on, maybe an­oth­er shoot­ing, pon­der­ing if I should get rid of my guns and won­der­ing, what to do.

10.
Get dressed.

11.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about how I can’t wear syn­thet­ics or fleece lined cloth­ing any­more be­cause the fibers harm the ocean and won­der­ing, what to do.

12.
Get in my low mileage car.

13.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about off-shore drilling, oil spills, pol­lu­tion and won­der­ing, what to do.

14.
Dri­ve away see­ing oil on my driveway.

15.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about it even­tu­al­ly leech­ing into the wa­ter­ways, killing fish in the rivers, and won­der­ing, what to do.

16.
Get on the con­gest­ed freeway.

17.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing of how much smog is in the air and won­der­ing, what to do.

18.
Lis­ten to the ra­dio in my car.

19.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about vi­o­lence, oil spills, civ­il wars, rape, mur­der, child mo­lesta­tion, mas­sive cor­po­rate prof­its, greed, and pover­ty, and won­der­ing, what to do.

20.
Drop my child off at school.

21.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about her col­laps­ing school and her teach­ers need­ing school sup­plies be­cause they have no fund­ing and won­der­ing, what to do.

22.
Pulling my car into the brand new mul­ti-mil­lion dol­lar park­ing fa­cil­i­ty right nextdoor to a con­demned low in­come hous­ing unit.

23.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing of developer’s greed, in­come in­equal­i­ty, in­flat­ed hous­ing costs, home­less­ness, and won­der­ing, what to do.

24.
Go to lunch.

25.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about get­ting my food in sty­ro­foam and plas­tic con­tain­ers, how the restau­rant doesn’t re­cy­cle, and won­der­ing, what to do.

26.
Leave work, pick up my child from school.

27.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about re­play­ing my en­tire day in re­verse and won­der­ing, what to do.

28.
Fix dinner.

29.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about rins­ing off pack­ag­ing to put into re­cy­cling, land­fills, lit­ter, waste, and won­der­ing, what to do.

30.
Watch the news. 

31.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about vi­o­lence, cli­mate change, cor­po­rate greed, ly­ing politi­cians, racism, rape, misog­y­ny, hate, en­vi­ron­men­tal de­struc­tion, home­less­ness, an­i­mal ex­tinc­tions and won­der­ing, what to do.

32.
Put my child to bed.

33.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about the scary fu­ture she has in front of her and won­der­ing, what to do.

34.
Go to the bathroom.

35.
Stand there con­sid­er­ing whether to flush or not due to drought.

36.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing about wa­ter short­age and cli­mate change and won­der­ing, what to do.

37.
Go to bed.

38.
Im­me­di­ate­ly start think­ing if I will be able to sleep tonight and wondering …

39.
Let’s change the word ‘gun’ to ‘abor­tion,’ then the right would re­sort to any means to con­trol them.

40.
Uhhh, how can a bor­der­line obese old man with a cow­ard­ly draft-dodg­ing ‘bone spur’ run anywhere?

41.
Maybe he had a ‘bone spur,’ Donald.

42.
Iowa grants gun per­mits to the blind.
Deny­ing them “vi­o­lates the Amer­i­cans with Dis­abil­i­ties Act.” Re­al­ly? Soooo does that mean they should be able to, say, oh I don’t know, dri­ve a car? Fly a plane? Pi­lot a boat? Work as a flight con­trol op­er­a­tor? Be a fire­man, cop, surgeon?

43.
We need to keep the men­tal­ly ill from get­ting guns.
Wait, what? You just over­turned an Oba­ma bill keep­ing guns out of the hands of the men­tal­ly ill.

44.
So let me see if I un­der­stand this. We are putting tar­iffs on steel and alu­minum be­cause of Chi­na. Our #1 im­porter of steel and alu­minum both is — ? Wrong, Cana­da. Yes Cana­da, our trad­ing part­ner. Chi­na isn’t even in the top 4. So we pun­ish our trad­ing part­ners to pro­duce here where steel and alu­minum will be more ex­pen­sive? Who will pay those in­creased costs? Yeah you, so much for your “yuge” tax break.

45.
No won­der FedEx prices are high­er than the U S Post Of­fice. 26% mem­ber dis­count? They rest of us cov­er that discount.

46.
This proud young war­rior puts us all to shame.

47.
These ‘kids’ are only about 5 years younger than Alexan­der Hamil­ton was when he signed The De­c­la­ra­tion of In­de­pen­dence. They aren’t “kids” they are the ass kick­ing builders of our fu­ture. Hamil­ton was 21 years old!

48.
Pow­dered wigs! Oh my god, that’s why peo­ple think they were old men, pow­dered wigs! They all wore white pow­dered wigs for their portraits!

49.
I pro­pose we change the name to: ‘The Found­ing Young Men’ – here’s a lit­tle list for all the old white guys who think The Found­ing Fa­thers were a bunch of old white guys just like them. Their ages in 1776:
Alexan­der Hamil­ton, 21
Thomas Lynch, Jr., 26
Ed­ward Rut­ledge, 26
George Wal­ton, 27
Thomas Hey­ward, Jr., 29
Ben­jamin Rush, 30
El­bridge Ger­ry, 31
Thomas Jef­fer­son, 33
Thomas Stone, 33
William Hoop­er, 34
Arthur Mid­dle­ton, 34
James Wil­son, 34
Samuel Chase, 35
William Paca, 35
John Penn, 35
George Cly­mer, 37
Thomas Nel­son, Jr., 37
Charles Car­roll, 38
Fran­cis Hop­kin­son, 38
Carter Brax­ton, 39
John Han­cock, 39
John Adams, 40
But­ton Gwin­nett, 41
Fran­cis Light­foot Lee, 41
Robert Mor­ris, 42
Thomas McK­ean, 42
George Read, 42
Samuel Hunt­ing­ton, 44
Richard Hen­ry Lee, 44
Robert Treat Paine, 45
Richard Stock­ton, 45
William Williams, 45
Josi­ah Bartlett, 46
Joseph Hewes, 46
George Ross, 46
William Whip­ple, 46
Cae­sar Rod­ney, 47
William Ellery, 48
Oliv­er Wol­cott, 49
Abra­ham Clark, 50
Ben­jamin Har­ri­son, 50
Lewis Mor­ris, 50
George Wythe, 50
John Mor­ton, 51
Ly­man Hall, 52
James Riv­ing­ton, 52
Samuel Adams, 53
John With­er­spoon, 53
Roger Sher­man, 55
James Smith, 56
Lewis Nico­la, 59
Philip Liv­ingston, 60
George Tay­lor, 60
Matthew Thorn­ton, 62
Fran­cis Lewis, 63
John Hart, 65
Stephen Hop­kins, 69
Ben­jamin Franklin, 70

50.
Van­i­ty, thy name was syphilis.
 
 

Gun­na be a long night.
 

—Louis Warfield

Flom­mist Louis Warfield is a fab­ri­ca­tion spe­cial­ist who runs the award-win­ning Rhi­no De­sign Stu­dio, “You dream it, we’ll build it.” Copy­right © 2018 Louis Warfield.

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