THE BATTLE FOR MODeRN 1923

chunks of flommus
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alaura’s new checklist for men

as established with Mallory Tomei and two glasses of wine:

1.
hygiene*: must bathe and wash hair and beard.

2.
must have decent job.

3.
CANNOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND***

4.
private parts must be manscaped.

5.
cannot be a moron.

6.
cannot live off alaura or try to move in with alaura after two weeks*

7.
above a second grade reading level.

8.
no emojis; you send an emoji, you’re done.

9.
condoms*

10.
cannot work at a cosmetics store. can’t do it. cannot.

the starred ones are super important. also, when you’re really hungry, anything tastes good.

—alaura dannon

Flommist Alaura Dannon only chooses poorly. Copyright © 2017 Alaura Dannon.

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Der Tung
Posted
Tue 14 Feb 2017