this piece of garbage in the world

becoming i   CHAPTER 6

My past is my past.

It is in­ter­min­gled in the many sto­ries touch­ing my ex­is­tence.

For once, it is fi­nal­ly feel­ing like the past.

But I won’t ever pre­tend like it wasn’t what made me into what I am to­day.

Nor will I ig­nore what I wish to bet­ter in my­self and nor will I deny the good I have in my­self.

I will let that flour­ish in my every ac­tion to bet­ter my­self.

One day, on my death bed I will see I did all the things I should have done as the things I did do.
 

 

When you don’t have the vi­sion, you can hard­ly see it.

When your view is al­tered it’s hard to tell what’s true.

I am liv­ing in an ex­is­tence with the blind­ers off try­ing to push the bounds of my sim­ple hu­man form.
 

 

A lot of time I don’t know what to say about the world.

I look back on this last year and I don’t even know how I sur­vived. I have been fight­ing a men­tal war that no one gets to wit­ness but when it breaks the sur­face – with tears stream­ing down or the an­gry words out of my mouth – there is no un­der­stand­ing.

I don’t even give un­der­stand­ing to my­self. I am the first one to say that some­thing is just wrong and that every­one else de­serves some­thing more than me …

That I tru­ly ex­ist as this piece of garbage in the world.

The hard­est thing is the peo­ple who con­firm these thoughts. Then I have to dis­cov­er, if at all, how I’ll not let this shape my mind even though it al­ways af­fects me.

I love peo­ple, I love the world and there are so many mo­ments that make me feel grate­ful I am alive.

This is the first time I’ve re­al­ly let my­self cry. And my head just hurts.
 
 

—al­ley schef­f­ki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 22 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2016 Al­ley Schef­f­ki.

 
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                   forward to  becoming i  CHAPTER 7  • • •
· · · back to  becoming i  CHAPTER 5

 
start over     al­ley scheffki’s  be­com­ing i  CHAP­TER ONE

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