hear ye, hear ye noobs!

As every­one’s fa­vorite show about drag­ons I guess re­turns for what Google tells me is its 7th sea­son, gath­er round and get caught up with the sto­ry so far, with­out spoil­ers!

Go in in­formed AND fresh,
even though that sounds im­pos­si­ble but neigh,
say­ers of neigh,
with Malmberg’s

Spoilere-Free Game of Thrones Primere

it is but the work of a dandy knave!
 

 

At its heart, Game of Thrones is a love tri­an­gle be­tween three king­doms …

The first king­dom is Dusk­thyryn Mead­ows. It’s ruled by Dark Seth. Dark Seth nev­er knew his dad so he kills every­body be­cause of that.

 

The sec­ond king­dom is all drag­ons but they are very ad­vanced and have laun­dro­mats and such. It’s called Blood­riche Farms and they don’t kill every­body just some peo­ple some­times.

 

The might­i­est king­dom is all mag­i­cal and and it’s called Apache Junc­tion. Every­one there is a wiz­ard and they are most­ly chill but there is a scroll that has a prophe­cy that says any day now they are gonna get sick of every­one’s shit and they think that’s prob­a­bly go­ing to hap­pen and what can you do? That one is run by Max.

 

Also all of them have sex with each oth­er even when they are en­e­mies.

 

Now you know all you need to about the Shire!

A mag­i­cal realm awaits thee!

Only on HBO.

 
 

—ja­son malm­berg

Flom­mist Ja­son Malm­berg is a sim­ple man who be­lieves in brown liquor and small dogs. He also makes art some­times. Copy­right © 2017 Ja­son Malm­berg.

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