Typically, my birthday sucks.
Not for the regular reasons – my wife usually goes all out – I just seem to have bad luck on the day. And with it a lot of shitty memories.
SO WHAT THE HELL should I do for my birthday? Which happened this past Saturday. With a ZERO in the year. I mean, I actually tried to make plans.
Do I want to meet friends at a bar? How bout just hang out with flommists, or just my wife, daughter, or old friends that found me on Facebook?
Eat somewhere I like – or go to SFMOMA and point at things, try to take fotos of their ‘no cameras allowed’ modern art collection without getting caught?
Been there done that.
What I haven’t done yet is get inked.
And it seemed just impulsive enough.
“If you want a tattoo, draw it out on a piece of paper – leave it on your fridge for about six months. If you’re okay with it, then get it.”
—Gary Netherton
Gary told me that about ten years ago. And along the way, I started drawing on my arms. A lot. And in one of my classes, when tattoos came up, Terran and Sarah – who drew on their arms too – even said they’d pay for my ink.
I would just lose interest in what I was drawing.
Or I’d change my mind. I change my mind a lot = the FLOMM expect change thing. Always into something else.
Not great for ink.
At one point, I had lunch with my mother – who disgustedly let me HAVE IT for HAVING A TATTOO. “Your father was a sailor in World War II and he never got a tattoo. They’re so disgusting!”
“But this isn’t a tattoo, I just drew on my arms …”
“Why would you do something so disgusting? It’s as horrible as the real thing …”
“YEAH,” said the woman from the OTHER table –
SUDDENLY I was being attacked by TWO OLDER WOMEN with the same hairstyle. And they were RELENTLESS.
A LITTLE WHILE later I’m on the phone with my wife:
“I just got in trubble for having a tattoo.”
“You don’t have a tattoo.”
“YOU tell THEM that. There were TWO OF THEM. COMING AT ME with BOTH BARRELS. NOW I have to GET A TATTOO cause I’m in trubble for it.”
SO THIS PAST FRIDAY NIGHT I started messaging people. A whole bunch.
WHERE could I get this done?
WHO could do it?
HOW busy do tattoo places get?
THEN I STARTED calling around noon on SATURDAY – birth day – and my wife and I hit the road by noon thirty.
I got a cool recommendation from flommist Erin – tho it was cash only, and guess what? Not enough cash till my next pay cheque.
And no cash available through other means, which included a few phone calls to customer service, a couple ATM visits and me just whining a whole bunch about how teachers are paid.
I’ve been showing Kazimir Malevich’s work in my history class since 2003.
And I now teach a BAU course (much related) – AND the FLOMM game is tied into all this.
Malevich’s Sensation of Flight (1914–15, above) HAS to be the tattoo. Only problem: Getting those lines as perfect a match as possible.
EVEN THOUGH them Malevich rectangles seem simple, they are NOT. His work isn’t just some random boxes in a square.
Luckily, there IS a flommist for that.
Tattoo artist Kimberly Stone was talking shop at our 4.23 event last year.
BUT she’s been hard to get a hold of lately. LONG STORY there.
She WAS the first person I texted. But no word yet so we kept looking at other options.
Another flommist recommended a tattoo parlor that takes credit cards.
But their BEST ARTIST wasn’t in on my birthday. Tho according to the bro on the fone, there were “a bunch of other artists on site who could easily do anything you want. Anything at all, man.”
Not according to Yelp.
Was just about to GIVE UP when Kimberly texted back. WE FOUND HER. Said she’d do it.
Just had to figure out where she was. WHAT TOWN SHE WAS IN. AND this was not going to be easy. And she isn’t working out of a shop right now. And her phone wasn’t holding a charge.
BUT she gets what Malevich is about, ‘Malevich has everything imbalanced, he IS still fucking with everyone.”
Kimberly is also a former student of mine – so she learned some typography and work habits from me. And detail. She’s exceptional at precise detail.
Which included us having to find THE RIGHT NEEDLES for this job. Which was ALSO not going to be easy.
BUT it would mean a lot to have a tattoo done by a real flommist.
And about an hour in, we figured out where she was. Sort of. It didn’t help that our car was filled with materials for an art show. AND Kimberly came with her own giant bags of supplies.
She fit, but barely.
Up next was getting new needles – at a store that was closed. BUT we found the owner just a few blocks away and bribed him with smokes.
THEN after a bottle of BLUE SODA, the mission to FIND A PLACE TO WORK was another thing. That went on for hours.
And involved a McDonald’s designed to keep people from charging their devices. No electrical outlets, but got to try the new MAC Jr™ (bleh!) and use a restroom where all the mirrors had been removed.
We ended up at a small place – not even sure where. No one knew the address. But we got to watch Tom Hanks in Bridge of Spies (2015) and point at Alfred Molina (whatever happened to him?) in Secret in Their Eyes (2015) on a GIANT tee vee with two of the nicest people ever.
And there was a bro outside looking to hire a new prostitute.
So this adventure started at a half hour – but that turned into an hour – then two hours – eventually we hit 8 hours.
Kimberly made a few templates, and explained how hard it is to actually get the edges right – and how the stencil used can trick out where the ink is – meaning, in a few days, a beginning artist could have the customer coming back wondering why chunks of the tattoo sort of washed away.
“Do you have a razor?”
I gave a blank stare.
“You have to shave your arm.”
My wife had a razor in her purse.
What is my wife doing with a razor in her purse??
Kimberly’s been at it for six years. And her work just keeps getting better.
And I’m loving the results. Precision. With a little pain.
And lots of advice for healing – “Thin layer of Aquaphor for the first two days; usually everyone puts too much on, thin layer. And give it lots of air, air is what works.”
So what’d you do on your birthday?
—steve mehallo
Flommist Steve Mehallo is a graphic designer, illustrator, font designer, educator, foodie and gadfly. He is the creator and founder of FLOMM! Fotos by Steve and Jeanne Mehallo, book featured in some of the images: The Nature and Art of Motion, edited by Gyorgy Kepes, 1965. HUGE FLOMM thanks to all parties involved.
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