i was adopted

Some­times this still both­ers me be­cause I al­ways feel dif­fer­ent. I al­ways feel like an out­cast.

But I’m ex­treme­ly lucky that I was found by a fam­i­ly that would tru­ly take care of me.

And from that fam­i­ly I got two amaz­ing par­ents and two sib­lings.

I am so lucky.

And yet … I’ve still had in­va­sive thoughts.

“Am I good enough?”

“Do they re­al­ly love me or is it more of an oblig­a­tion?”

I don’t be­lieve that any­more. But when I was younger I did.

I know the fam­i­ly I’m in now is the one that was des­tined for me.

And I could nev­er be more grate­ful for every­thing they’ve done.

I could nev­er ask for any­thing more.

Yet still … I find my­self won­der­ing about my birth mom. Won­der­ing if she’d have been more hon­est.

She lied to me about my birth dad. Said he aban­doned her, and me.

When in re­al­i­ty, he just want­ed a DNA test be­cause they hadn’t been to­geth­er in sev­er­al months. Sounds like it was ei­ther a short fling or even just a one night stand.

I don’t know.

All I know is that she should have told me who he was. She should have at least giv­en my par­ents a num­ber to call.

I spent al­most 30 years of my life think­ing that my own birth dad want­ed noth­ing to do with me.

If I was in a pub­lic place, I’d see old­er men with dark hair, around the right age and I wound won­der, is that my birth dad?

I’d won­der if we’d ever crossed paths and nei­ther of us would know about it.

Any­way, I guess I’m ram­bling.

All I can say is, thank God for 23andme and thank God that I fi­nal­ly did meet my birth dad. He is amaz­ing and he ac­tu­al­ly loves me.

And I also met my amaz­ing grand­ma who I nev­er would have known if it wasn’t for a sil­ly DNA test.

We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.

 

—kait­lyn­jane

Flom­mist KAiT­LYN­jane has been draw­ing and writ­ing sto­ries ever since she knew how to scrib­ble on a piece of pa­per, or her sister’s fore­head when she was just two weeks old. Copy­right © 2024 KAiT­LYN­jane.

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