‘I liked the part where Luke ate all the french fries, they got stuck in his beard and everyone thought the french fries WERE his beard.’ —steve mehallo
And when he took that giant red potato fry and sliced it open to put Chewie inside so he could stay warm, I was just like, you know?
And when the princess didn’t get to be a queen because the big fragment of Alderaan they found to colonize didn’t have enough oil to fill a single deep fryer I was so, like, y’know?
And when that kid had that big lightsaber thing that lost power because those yams needed waaaay more power because their glucose was retaining too much moisture for bulk frying I was just, right?
And there was that one sort of overt product placement moment, when the star destroyer tore through the enormous bag of Jamie Vardy Crisps, unleashing them like fresh golden slices of potato asteroids – I was totally, like, y’know?
One of the most gripping bits was when the battle was raging – the third battle, underwater in the enormous sphere on the desert where the dry lake had captured the senate trade emporium representatives and was holding them until the trees were refreshed with that ancient iceflow – you know what I mean – and the ship got hit by the enormous thorn – or was it a toenail? But anyway, C3PO has to hand carry the ceremonial batch of potato salad they were about to deep-fry into the alternate galley Luke set up in the escape pod – and then R2 accidentally launched it into space! Underwater, y’know? And it hit the windshield of Darth Vader’s ship and caused him to crash through the container and all the water went all over the planet – I was just like so, I couldn’t even I was, and they were, and, it was just you know. Wow.
—scott olling
Flommist Scott Olling is exploring blue chirpy. Copyright © 2015 Scott Olling. Images: Panels from Hisao Tamaki’s 1997 Star Wars manga adaptation, western translated editions, with lettering by Tom Orzechowski. Plus, the flomm dadapotato(e).
PLEASE SUPPORT FLOMM
TIPS + DONATIONS DISCREETLY ACCEPTED