‘they start throwing russian soldiers at the germans’

My son writes down fun­ny things I say 

so I thought it would be fun­ny to com­pile a list
at the end of the semester
of flomm founder Steve Mehal­lo’s
graph­ic de­sign his­to­ry course. 

He has us take notes and every­thing is ‘testable.’
And he does a lot of improv.

High­lights:
 

The King sent out tweets that at the time in­volved send­ing out real birds.

Ben Franklin had all kinds of shit he pulled.

George Wash­ing­ton had a huge ego. He also had a pim­ply face and a big butt. His­to­ry is fun.

They start to im­port Baskerville by the ton – be­cause it’s made of metal.

I’m a friend of Baskerville, he’s a friend of John Wayne …

In Italy. We’re in the boot. Just pic­ture sit­ting in the boot for a while. In the boot eat­ing cheese.

Rome is ruled by turnips who call them­selves emperor.

The Arts and Crafts Move­ment was co-opt­ed by peo­ple in mini­vans. Stay at home moms who go to sports games and dri­ves minivans.

William Mor­ris wants fur­ni­ture, so he goes to Tar­get, which did­n’t ex­ist, but it was more like a Robin Hood thing.

Rudolph Koch – He was a guy who kind of sucked at stuff. Then he picked up a pen.

Goudy was an­oth­er los­er. Pen.

Peo­ple said it’s 1900, it’s time to get weird.

Don’t tell any­one but when you get old­er you find you re­al­ly don’t know anything.

Max­field Parish … he in­vent­ed Elvis in 1920.

AUGH­HH, teach­ers who do the ‘sing song voice.’ Noth­ing go­ing to hap­pen here.

I have nev­er done a Trump joke be­fore and I won’t start now.

San Fran­cis­co Chron­i­cle: Your de­sign is shit.

Dou­ble am­putee Kelly-anne …

Frank Lloyd Wright shows up and he starts do­ing this shit. 

“The Four” have an In­sta­gram … be­fore any­one else … Ever.

In Aus­tria, the kids say I want new art and the old peo­ple say, “get off my porch!”

Imag­ine you’re hang­ing out with the dadaists … they’re hang­ing from the ceil­ing and you don’t know why.

You, the girl on the sofa, and you over there – we’re gonna rule the coun­try and it’s go­ing to go goodly.

If you have floaters on your eyes you’ll no­tice they look like the stars that are out there.

There was an ex­plo­sion in Great Britain and Dr. Who had to show up and save every­one be­cause of these two. 

This is the Womb Chair that’s like be­ing in­side a preg­nant woman and they bring you a feed­ing tube and everything.
 

In Sacra­men­to?
Two sec­tions of Mehallo’s art­new­me­dia 305 are sched­uled for Fall 2017.
 
 

—rose fante

Flom­mist Rose Fante is a wan­der­er, “yeah a wan­der­er, I roam around around around around around …” Copy­right © 2017 Rose Fante.

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