chunks of flommus
SUBSCRIBE! FEEDLY RSS EMAIL

sofa talk queen at sbux

I stood behind Kellyanne Conway at a Starbucks in the woods, where we exchanged light verbal jabs about 45 and Obama and Russia, then was forced to sit next to her in an almost cartoonishly huge sofa, because I had a sprained ankle and couldn’t stand at the tall bar tables that were left because all the other seats were taken. (She sat appropriately this time.)

And there, using perfect indoor voices, we continued our catty, unproductive Mean Girls session until my chocolate croissant was ready and I hobbled over to get it, and that’s when she or her equally catty sister with equally unhealthy hair stole my wallet.

Later, the cattiness continued over text, where she tried using her usual bs to convince me I’d stolen my own wallet. Naturally, I didn’t fall for it and asked the manager to show me security video of the incident.

I’m still waiting.

(I was, however, hailed as the Sofa Talk Queen for having continued the hushed verbal sparring session longer than anyone else at that Starbucks, as this is something Kellyanne does often with other customers, so I guess that’s cool, even if the nickname is stupid.)

Can’t a girl just get some sleep and have some normal dreams, already? FFS.

—kimberly a. morales