chunks of flommus
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reality and deception

I was not willing to stand beside you as I watched you deceive yourself.
Away from the realities we faced you escaped.
I ran after you deceiving myself to beliefs on how I caused this and how I could change it.
I was only a victim to your perception of me and my own self feeding it every moment I back tracked away from my place.
When I was strong enough to escape this chase I still saw my true self confirmed by a gift given by another.
You raped me. I don’t know now if you were even aware why you did that action.
Sure the alcohol did not provide you the chance to even think through it but you knew my deepest pain.
I knew yours. My leaving is something you will never forgive me for and I know it.
You lived in this reality ignoring all the things you had done that made my leaving seem unreasonable.
It seemed purposeful. Rather than it being the best thing for both of us.
You only sought after that to put me in punishment as you lived imprisoned by a bottle.
One I tried to break. A malicious battle to stab the knife deeper into one another.
You never dropped the knife behind my back. And I always reached for mine in front of your face.
You only allowed yourself to see my response as you hid the knife behind my back.
I became the misguided one.
The crazy one.
Only to feed again to a new reality you wished to create.
As you spoke words to say “if I face this problem it will become a reality.”
I lived through it. Not without altering effects I see are not who I want to be.
Your life will continue and where I don’t know.
I can see so many directions and I still feel responsible.
Why do I feel responsible?
The only direction I want to see for you is the one where you face your realities.
But the only way I could ever see that is if I ignore my own reality.