“You know what you need to walk the seriously fashion forward streets of Omaha? This deep V robe romper that will hang in your closet gathering dust next to your gold crushed velvet motorcycle jacket while you frantically search for something that resembles the white tank top you should be buying instead. Let’s definitely get that to wear to literally nowhere you go in your real life.”
—Me shopping, apparently
I hate every single piece of clothing I own.
I’m going to dump the whole lot at a thrift store, buy some Uggs, PINK sweatpants to tuck into them, and get a dirty college t-shirt hair clip headband scene and just ease right on into that look that peppers the midwest fashion landscape because dressing with my nonsense wardrobe is exhausting.
How do I not own a basic white tank top? How is that humanly possible with the 4,000 tons of clothing I own – literally by the numbers. I have a mint green silk bomber jacket, a tropical print culotte jumpsuit, jeans with sequin parrots on the thighs, but no fucking white tank top. Where do I think I live? What life is my wardrobe for?
I know this is real life for my friend Olivia too since we both own the same chartreuse marble crop sweater. Since every lady needs a chartreuse marble crop sweater.
Though I think this is really the problem: I’m good with wearing this shit at my house but, like, the rest of the city?
Consumerism, also, cannot heal the divide. Especially when you’re excited to put on your first new open toe shoes for the season and then you remember your sad, unpedicured feet exist as a thing that you have to deal with.
Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2017 Natalie Michelle. Photo of Natalie by Nele Sudar.
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