they’re trying to drown me in a sea of ruffles

“I can still hear you say­ing you must nev­er break the chain re­tail stores, but give it a try!”

I’m
giv­ing
a
cloth­ing sub­scrip­tion and a ‘per­son­al styl­ist’
a whirl
and I just pre­viewed my first ship­ment, be­cause this one lets you do that.

We had ex­ten­sive con­ver­sa­tions about what I do and don’t like and I also sent her two Pin­ter­est boards full of ex­am­ples of things I al­ready own and things I’d like to try.

It’s tak­ing every­thing in me not to re­ply to her and say, “What was it about ‘no ruf­fles, flowy blous­es, or boho styles’ that was un­clear?”
 

I mean, look at this. LOOK AT IT. It’s al­most as bad as the puffy shirt from Se­in­feld. I’d nev­er in a mil­lion years wear some­thing like this. Is it a night­shirt for when I play Ebenez­er Scrooge this Christ­mas?!

I said that I like a tai­lored look and things that show off my fig­ure. This shit looks like what Ste­vie Nicks would wear on the 40th an­niver­sary tour of the Ru­mors al­bum.

The men I know who have tried these ser­vices seem to love it.

That’s be­cause there are five or six tried and true clas­sic styles for men but every sea­son there’s fifty new takes on hot garbage for women that did­n’t look good the first 49 times.

I also told her I’m most­ly look­ing for work clothes.

Here is an ex­am­ple of an out­fit I gave her

and she came back with

 

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I mean, when I opened up the app and saw what she’d put in there, it was a to­tal Gor­don Ram­say mo­ment.

 
 

—emi­ly duchaine

Flom­mist Emi­ly Duchaine lives in the Pa­cif­ic North­west. She likes to drink mead, learn about sharks, and lis­ten to the Talk­ing Heads. She pre­tends to be a pro­fes­sion­al busi­ness­woman most days. Copy­right © 2017 Emi­ly Duchaine.

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