THE BATTLE FOR MODeRN 1923

chunks of flommus
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about five (alleged) extra-marital affairs

Now that we’ve got a sex scandal to FINALLY liven things up this year, I say we all take a minute and play a game where we imagine what kind of lover is Ted Cruz.

I know gross, but funny and if we all lose our appetites that’ll just bring us closer to our beach body goals.

So I think he’s a dirty talker, licks ears, into feet and butt stuff, and one of those dudes who wants you to shame him while he jerks off to you.

Occasional crier.

—natalie michelle

Flommist Natalie Michelle doesn’t have a bio. She just rants. Copyright © 2016 Natalie Michelle. Pictured: Cropped Senator Joe McCarthy, cause he sort of looks like Ted Cruz. And we have no knowledge of any (alleged) affairs on that front.

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Der Tung
Posted
Fri 25 Mar 2016

Natalie Michelle