being in a relationship with me

What be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with me
and the im­pos­si­bil­i­ties it with­holds calls for is what has left me in a place of ig­nor­ing, let­ting in,
and no de­ci­sions.

See what be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with me
is like the late night sex when all of a sud­den I’ve turned to ter­ror, shak­ing, and telling you “you aren’t you.”

In nights like those; I’m hav­ing flash­backs trig­gered by sex.

It’s the an­noy­ing babe “I want a love let­ter” and the cry­ing tears of all the stress I have on my shoul­ders.

Be­ing in a re­la­tion­ship with me
is watch­ing me be­come so in­trin­si­cal­ly in­volved in a piece of art
– writ­ing, paint­ing, or cap­tur­ing a pho­to –
with noth­ing but jeal­ous left in you
be­cause I’m not giv­ing that much of my­self to you.

Some­times it’s the burned din­ners
or the food that tastes like shit
be­cause I de­cid­ed to wing it.

I beg for you to take a bath with me.

I leave the TV on at night be­cause I grew up that way and I fear most nights sleep­ing with­out it.

There are days you’ll see how cranky I am just be­ing wok­en up.

And there is not a day with­out my pets.

I don’t live by a good sched­ule as I be­come un­hap­py with con­tin­u­ous rep­e­ti­tion.

I get bored easy.

I’m rather rest­less if I don’t ad­ven­ture some­time with­in the week.

I don’t have a mom any­more in and it’s shaped me, I guar­an­tee you’ll hear about it.

I’m bad at pre­tend­ing I’m hap­py, so you’ll know it by my si­lence or loud voice.

I wrote po­et­ic bull­shit to make the shit­ty things less shit­ty.

And this is the sur­face of what is buried un­der­neath what­ev­er shal­low rea­sons you find on top to con­sid­er putting your time into me.

 

And peo­ple keep ask­ing me what de­ci­sion I have made on my re­la­tion­ship.

I have no de­ci­sion.

 
 
 

—al­ley schef­f­ki

Flom­mist Al­ley Schef­f­ki is 22 years young, ‘I am the blue rose. Dies ist ein wun­sch für frei­heit.’ Copy­right © 2017 Al­ley Schef­f­ki. Al­ley is also the dri­ving force and host of FLoMM­CAST.

PLEASE   SUPPORT   FLOMM
TIPS  +  DONATIONS  DISCREETLY  ACCEPTED

FLOMM
promotes learning  +  education worldwide
drawing attention to works by nü  +  upcoming artists,
designers, writers, musicians  +  MOR

OUR INVOLVEMENT
– however –
is mostly paid for out of pocket or in trade

IF YOU ENJOY
wat  FLOMM  is doing here, please consider


1.   LEAVE US A TIP  :
use our tip jar whenever the mood hits



2.   BUY OUR SWAG  :
our approach is semi-green —
                all our  FLOMMHAUS  merch is made to order



3.   HELP US OUT  :
use our hashtags  #flomm  #flommus  #whereisflomm  #nüflommart  #flommist
when posting on ur socials —
or drop us a note and offer to help in some way
everything we do is on a volunteer basis —
             when we say  YOU CAN BE A FLOMMIST TOO  this is wat we mean

THANK YOU
your support helps our continued efforts
to create content across numerous platforms

clic 「 HIER   」 to return to the DER TUNG front page