so i can do some basic math in my head on the fly

i get to my lo­cal ampm…
i grab some ear­buds…
for 11.99…
i grab an ari­zona ice tea…
one of those 99 cent cans…
i get to the counter.…
pull out 14 bucks…
in my head i am think­ing…
11.99 plus 99 equals 12.98…
plus some tax…
8.5% or so…
guy be­hind the counter…
looka at me strange…
i ask if that is not enough…
he rat­tles off 14.85 or some shit…
i pull out a dol­lar…
he gives me 15 cents…
then i hit him with can i get a re­ceipt…
he then gives me two re­ceipts…
one for 12.98…
an­oth­er for 7.85…
dude how do you fig­ure this…
so i step him thru my cal­cu­la­tions…
12.98 plus 1.04 equal 14.02…
i tell him to ring it all up on one tick­et…
he is ob­vi­ous­ly ir­ri­tat­ed…
be­cause i caught him on some shady shit…
dont be fuck­ing with me…
i can do math in my head on the fly…
fuck­er.

so af­ter my ampm fi­as­co…
i roll up to 24 hour fit­ness…
i know i dont be­lieve it my­self…
i jump on the run­ning thingy…
i am watch­ing chap­pell show re­runs…
i no­tice one of those late nite com­e­dy cen­tral com­mer­cials…
back when i had ca­ble…
it used to be girls gone wild…
every oth­er com­mer­cial…
but things change…
and i no­tice a new com­mer­cial…
1 800 we are 18 dot com or some­thing to that ef­fect…
i guess you can talk to girls whom are eigh­teen…
now i know my ass is old…
but who would want to talk with an 18 year old…
i thought it was a hi­lar­i­ous com­mer­cial…
i cant even imag­ine what those con­ver­sa­tions be like…
all i can imag­ine me say­ing is.…
shut the fuck up over and over again…
old man yells at clouds.

—bri­an-an­tho­ny

Flom­mist Bri­an-An­tho­ny is a for­mer artist, crafts­man and de­sign­er turned part time law stu­dent via YouTube and Google, works at a print shop, full time fa­ther, all around Good Samar­i­tan, en­joys a fine sati­va, read­ing and Ari­zona Green Tea. Copy­right © 2017 Bri­an-An­tho­ny.

MOR D’ARTÍCULOS  MOR FLOMM !

READ SOME  RELATED  DER TUNG  POSTS  :

be­yond en­cy­clopæ­dia camp when do the lies and fid­dles stop? game over 2016 hi wendy fraid so … 0_o rez life in 94 mil­lion sto­ries wait for it